Nivi's World

A new start

2012-01-26T21:51:00.000+05:30

Another year has begun in my life. Here I am left wondering what I have really done worth remembering last year. I have got married and I got a new job. This should be enough reason to rejoice for any female I know. But unfortunately I don’t think or feel that way, life is much more than that and I can do much more.

Please don’t feel I am not happy about getting married or finding a job of my choice. It is just that these things were inevitable and everyone is happy about it. But what next, should my life revolve around just this? Am I just defined with what I have to do at home or at work?

I was advised when I was leaving my previous job, that I have to take tiny steps and adjust to the new direction in my life. I did that and took some small strong courageous steps and erased any dominance in my life. I did my house the way I wanted, slowly and steadily made into a home. I did the part of being a wife, a daughter, a daughter-in-law, a friend, an honest worker and some more roles as best I could.

But then when I think what have I done for myself? I come up with no answer, zilch. This is what I meant that sometimes we get caught in a strong web of performing various roles that we forget to give ourselves the time we ought to give.

At this point I can think of a wonderful Japanese poem which has stuck to my memory from a book which is close to my heart (The wind cannot read – Richard Mason)

“Though on the sign it is written: ‘Don’t pluck these blossoms’

– it is useless against the wind which cannot read.”

So here I am reviving my blog and myself with few do’s and don’ts for this year. Hopefully I will be able to recall this year with much more significance and fondness.

Immortals of Meluha

2011-09-12T22:54:00.001+05:30

The Immortals of Meluha by Amish Tripathi

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

A book which was not only bold but also adventurous by Amish. Especially in a religious country to write a book on God which is worshiped throughout. It gives Lord Shiva a wonderful human like quality and feelings. Revolving around a mystery which any reader can easily relate without knowing any mythological stories. A simple but effective story with reflective qualities.

View all my reviews

Assault of thoughts

2011-07-01T21:11:00.002+05:30

The shape forming in my mind, the reminiscent of my thoughts is disconcerting me. My thoughts keep whirling in my mind like a tornado. Days followed by nights these thoughts pursue me like a cop after a thief, a hunter after an animal and like the pain after a bone fracture. I want to hide where they cannot chase me. But like the need for human beings to breath is constant, the need to capture these thoughts in words has become erroneously essential.

I can’t run, I can’t hide and I can’t escape my thoughts either. And when I do capture them, they flow like honey, gurgling river and without stopping for a breath it continuously flows out of my head. The relief is unimaginable and the craving for more is incredible.

It may take up days even months before these thoughts make any sense in words. But the coerce me to continue, physically I feel the jolt to type and type more. Like my mind and hands are possessed and I have no control. I live recluse because they don’t allow the space for anybody and anything. Even in my sleep the thoughts keep dancing and writhing in discomfort I wake up. Wake up with an urgent urge to pour them down.

What has happened to me?

Do I need help?

Maybe I do, this turmoil is more than I can handle. But the stories these thoughts spin are simply unimaginable. My publisher simply loves them but he is unknown about the assault these thoughts have on me.

Nivi's Fable

2011-05-05T03:32:00.002+05:30

A long time ago lived a talking cat. It would spread the wisdom of the living, non-living and the dead. People flocked to hear it from far villages and towns. They thought it was divine and worshipped the cat. His fame turned hundred times more than its size. Its brown curling tail would swish excitedly when it spoke of sapience with all these humans hungry for guidance. It had two different colored eyes, one green and other amber, which people thought denoted its sagely manners. Though it is believed that a cat needs sixteen hours of sleep, Mr. Tod here, oh that’s the cats name kept by his mistress. Mr. Tod sleeps only for six hours a day.

‘The cat’s a saint when there are no mice about.’ But Mr. Tod never went after mice or birds. He was just happy with milk and some bread. He just like all would love to rub against his mistresses long old legs for a good meal or a warm spot.

His mistress was an old lady wearing always a skirt and a hat. She took absolutely no interest in the people flocking in to see her Mr. Tod. It did not amaze her that her cat could talk. It was just another thing. She would feed him tuna, some milk and bread every day. She just loved her Mr. Tod, who would lick her arms after being petted.

Soon, the rich, the circus men demanded the old lady to loan her cat. She was rude and disparaging to any such requests and demands. She made an announcement in the local newspaper ‘Mr. Tod will not be for loan for a day, months or a year.’ Mr. Tod soon realized his mistress’s dilemma. He knew she was being harassed because he could talk. A decision had to be made and a tough one. He became mute. He then purred and mewed just like other cats.

Humans will be humans; especially the ones who desperately wanted the cat. They thought the old lady had some tricks up her sleeve. She purposely did something to the cat so he won’t talk. Vicious as they were, they spilled some oil at the old lady’s front door. While going out she slipped and fell on her hand. Of course, her hand broke and she yelped in pain. The neighbor’s immediately called the doctor and helped her to lie on the bed. Then they wiped the oil from her door. Mr. Tod watched everything that happened that morning. He sulked. His worldly wisdom and advice fell flat in front of the cruelties of vile humans.

He pushed a little pile of gold, silver and money he was offered by humans to the leg of the bed. His mistress was softly moaning about her broken hand. He jumped on the bed with a skill known only to cats. He mewed and the old lady cuddled him with her good hand.

“Are you hungry, Mr. Tod?” she asked.

Mr. Tod was astounded at the gentleness and generousness of this woman. He made a decision which was difficult for him as well as his mistress. He broke his silence for one last time.

“Mistress!” he said, “I would have to go.”

“No, no, no Mr. Tod, please don’t go.” She begged.

“He who provide to anyone without any malevolence
would seek the almighty’s regard and benevolence”

The old lady nodded with tears in her eyes. She petted him one last time. He licked her broken arm slowly. Looked at her old gentle eyes one more time and jumped to the floor. He trotted out of the house in a direction no one will ever know.

The doctor came and examined the old lady’s hand. It was not broken anymore. He looked surprised. And the dull pain had healed immediately. The old lady looked at the pile of gold, silver and money next to her bed. She took it and handed it over to the doctor and said,

“Thank you for coming. Take this and don’t charge the poor anymore.”

Delhi in new perspective

2011-02-25T00:21:00.000+05:30

Delhi has been a city of mixed feelings for me earlier, with some aspects being good and some bad. But i was determined to visit the city with my darling and see it through his eyes. I expected to be delayed at Delhi airport due to fog conditions during January. But the beginning was good and we reached on time. A very helpful colleagues of my mother's office agreed to pick us up from airport and tour the city.

After being fed with "Cholle Bhature" from the famous 'HALDIRAM' of Delhi. That was some amazing the cholle bhature I had in a long long time. Along with some rather interesting conversation with the head of the office about various places to visit in and around Delhi. We left like two bubbling school kids on a picnic.

Though the roads looked familiar, it had some new essence to it. Such age old architecture right in the city surrounded by modern buildings and roads. It was sight very rare to see. We stopped by at the famous Qutub minar (Quwwat ul Islam mosque, Alai Darwaza, etc.) all in the same complex. We decided to make a quick gateway here but we ended spending almost 40 mins. Everyone was trying to capture the great qutub minar, in one shot. So did we. The artisans may have taken years to build and carve the minar but all the same we took its picture in less than a minute. here are some of our efforts.

It still fascinated me, the beauty of these buildings and the minute details of the carving and scriptures. I could visualise the artisans toiling with little hammer in hot sun. Anyway coming back to the point, there were even some fantastic benches of olden era which we took fancy too. Ofcourse nobody gave them a second glance as they were just benches to rest.

This was our last stop here and then we headed for some serious shopping. We went to "Sarojini Nagar", all shoppers beware take plenty of time and money with you. The market is huge and full of goods, just like a manish market cum Bandra linking road cum fashion street merged into one. Though if you do feel hungry there are some sophisticated stalls selling hot cocoa and coffee, corn, and other items. I just took simple corn and coffee (coffee tasted horrible). We bought few woolens for our trip ahead to Uttranchal and one really big bag for all the shopping. Leaving from there we toured the city, saw India gate from rather far as it was closed for republic day. There are rehearsals of the march for republic day held at India gate, which is open for public to see and we missed that.

I have only seen construction after construction happening in Mumbai for metro, but Delhi has a full fledged operation. We got out of the car and headed for nearest metro station. All the instructions were pretty simple with maps all over the place for people to decide which route to take. We bought our tokens and one cannot buy return tokens from one destination. For each journey that you make a new token has to be bought. We went from connought place to chandi chowk.

It was rush hour and train was crowded as per Delhi standards (not Mumbai ofcourse). It was still fun with announcements and indicators which stations arriving etc. Chandi chowk station was deserted till we came out to the street. we had to ask 4 different people the directions for "parathe wali gali" and had to roam in 4 different streets till we got the place we wanted to be. Thats what i don't like about Delhi.When directions are asked, people there would never say 'I don't know'. Instead they will point the travellers in wrong directions. In our search for parathe wali gali we stopped at a vendor who was selling my favorite gol gappe (pani puri) they were amazing they do not have the concept of mitha pani. Then we paused at 'Haldirams', the shop was amazing streaming with people and whole variety of food to hog on. We decided to keep this option as back up in case we do not get the place we want to eat.

Finally by God's grace and a sane person who gave us the right direction we landed in the gali. We thought of first doing a quick recon of the place. We found an ancient chat place with wonderful variety like the dahi bhale, aloo chaat, dahi kachori chaat etc. I thought of trying dahi kachori chaat. it was mouth watering and wonderfully fiery. Check out the picture to enhance your taste buds.

Further we came across 'the paratha shop' called Pt. Gaya Prasad Shiv charan Paratha Shop, established 1872. It had the perfect setting with walls adorned with pcitures taken with all celebrities, small tables with benches and 1 waiter waiting all the tables. Two cooks making paratha orders at really amazing speed. The rule for ordering was you have to order two paratha's does not matter how many share it. We tried the following, don't gasp, we were hungry. We tried, the obvious aloo paratha, gobhi paratha, mix paratha (mixed vegetables), paneer paratha, badam paratha (almonds) and khurchan paratha (dry malai paratha) all made in ghee complemented with various chutneys and achaar (phew). Since we could not stuff ourselves anymore, we packed meva paratha and rabdi paratha along with us.

After having such hearty meal, we were unable to walk back to the metro rail station. We leaped on to cycle auto rickshaw. We reached right on time to leave for our train scheduled at 10.30pm from old Delhi station.

That was my day concluding in Delhi and I left with a variant feeling than from my previous visits here. Hope all the food lovers do visit the 'parathe wali gali" and enjoy the paratha's as we did. Enjoy!!

Sunshine Rain

2010-06-25T02:41:00.000+05:30

Gently pattering rain made the sound pitter-patter on my roof. I remember the poetry we had learned in our initial years of innocence. I held a hot mug of coffee in my hand staring into the slow and synchronized fall of the rain drops.

The silence that surrounded me felt like paradise after a long time. I enjoyed the sip of hot coffee while I saw the glorious sun peep out of the dark clouds. Sun shine made the raindrops look like diamonds falling from heaven. The scene was so picturesque that I had the instant urge to capture it with my Nikon.

I rushed inside and rummaged through my bag until I found what I was searching. I came outside and focused my camera lens. The view was perfect, absolutely fantastic! All the trees and plant that surrounded my cottage was glistening with the slight sunshine along with the dark clouds slightly showering away on their way somewhere.
My grandmother always told us a story about a wolf. A lonesome wolf was cursed for his wrong deeds. The wolf prayed long and hard to free himself of the curse of living alone forever. His prayers were answered and he was told that he would find his companion only when the sun shined and it rained simultaneously. Innocently we would ask our grandmother if the wolf ever found his companion. Her answer always mesmerized me. She would ask us to close our eyes, hear the thunder rumbling somewhere far and then the happy howls of two wolves that finally united even now when the sun shone while it rained.

My cousins who listened intently would enact each word and claimed that they could hear the happy howls of the wolves. I would shut my eyes hard and concentrate but I would never hear anything other than the rhythmic fall of rain. Once I cried through out the day and asked my grandmother why I was unable to hear them while all others could. She replied in a wise and sagacious manner. She said, “Open your heart child, just open your heart.”

With this thought in mind I captured the perfect scene. But when I slowly moved the camera away from my face I realized I was no more standing on my veranda. I was surrounded by thicket and it was still drizzling. I could hear the thunder rumble in partially blue sky. At the same time sun was shining down on me amidst the few dark clouds. Suddenly I see two wolves, prancing emerge through the thicket. Their eyes looked happy and content. They stopped just at a distance of ten feet away from me. They look up at the sky while the rain gleamed on their shiny golden coat. They let out a shrill howl. The sound almost shook me entirely. I was shivering from head to toe. The joy in their eyes could not be missed, even to a human like me. They left together, leaving me wondering if all this was real. But it was because I was wet and I still held the camera in my hand.

I quickly found my way back to the cottage. It was a small cottage where I spend most of my childhood summer with my grandmother. I could not believe what I had just witnessed. Had I finally opened my heart? I had seen the nature’s magic without any expectations. I felt my heart free of beliefs I held from life. Just this simple tale and a small out of the world experience made me realize the importance of living the moment. I learnt to take in any moment with an open heart.

I still have that day’s perfect picture framed next to my bedside. A constant reminder to keep my heart and mind open to all possibilities.

The Little Me

2009-04-11T00:22:00.000+05:30

I stared long and hard. Is it possible for a man to be so small? It was hot outside and my friends were following him from the time he entered our colony. Truthfully I was a bit tired of this game. They were laughing hysterically and mocking the little man. But I was curious to know who stitched his clothes as he wore a small topi and children size dhoti and kurta.

He was irritated and made a scornful face at us. It made all my friends enjoy their trick some more. Provoked they threw small stones at him. He suddenly stood still in his stride intimidating us with one chappal in his hand. We smirked as if scared of his act and retraced our steps. Satisfied, he quickly started walking towards his destination. One of the eldest in the group picked up a stone and threw at him once again. Fortunately it did not hurt him on his head, it hit his topi and it fell down. He quickly grabbed his topi with tears streaming down his little face. I don’t know if my friends noticed that in their snigger but that made me stop laughing. He hurried away quietly. I heard my mom scream my name. I said my goodbyes and left.

Later I narrated the afternoon episode to my mother. She did not approve of our behavior. She said, “God has made many of us different. We should not be making fun of them. Just imagine if you were him, how would you have felt?”

My mother left it at that. She was unlike the other mothers who would keep repeating one thing ten times. I have seen my friends mother do that, ‘Don’t stay back after 7 pm and come home.’ Or ‘It’s dark on the ground come back home soon.’ Or ‘I will complain to your father that you come home late’.

My mother would say just once that I would have to come back by 7pm. We were not allowed to play on the ground after that as it was unsafe. If I did not listen to the instruction I would get good thrashing. Later that night when I went to sleep I saw a dream that I did not ever grow more than my little size. I was treated the same way as that unknown little man.....

We will meet again and soon

2008-12-05T00:10:00.000+05:30

His eyes searched for something deep inside my soul. My heart lurched when he looked, looked straight at me. His eyes were naked and the sight of his stature was just enough to make me feel as if someone dropped a lead inside my stomach. I smiled a slow smile that reaches up to your eyes when you are happy and content. Its good that I was sitting otherwise my knees would have buckled and I would have fallen. Oh God! I have fallen head over heels for him.
He knows that and I am glad he knows that I am all his. Out of all people, I suppose I did not expect to be weak, vulnerable and exposed to an extent that my hands rightfully found his and we held on as if there’s no tomorrow. I found my head lowered on his shoulder and my face found the perfect hollow of his neck. His warm breath on my face calmed me down. That moment made me feel the most secured person alive today.
Slowly an emotion welled up inside me that I could not describe. I couldn’t be less grateful to the Lord when an overwhelming sense of happiness wore on me. My eyes were moist and I could not understand the reason how one could feel happy and sad at the same time. His words were soothing and so endearing I couldn’t hear the din around me. The crowd vanished out of sight and it was just him sitting right next to me. Talking, explaining and justifying something I could not comprehend. Even in the cozy lull, the memory of a fierce rendezvous made my lips twitch wanting for more. “What more?” I thought. A slow grin appeared on both of our faces at the same time.
I wanted to scream I love you and I won’t ever leave you but I remained quiet. His questioning stare kept looking at me but my mouth found no words. I gulped down the emotion of just openly breaking down. I controlled myself from digging my face on his chest and cry. Cry until I feel we are one and no one can part us. We reached our destination and before parting we held each others eyes, communicating in silence. A silence which said it loud and clear that we will meet again and soon.

Mysterious Encounter

2008-09-28T11:46:00.000+05:30

I touched my eyebrow where the sweat glistened. I saw my face in the rearview mirror and it resembled a sweltering pig. It was blistering hot and I didn’t have anything to drink since past six hours.

Driving was definitely a task I did not enjoy during autumn season especially for business purpose. I had to cancel such a fun date with Golu’s sister. She is so hot. I had met her twice at a mall and we instantly became friends. Now I know the reason Golu would not invite us home as he was hiding his amazing sister.

‘Oh! Why God, why do I have to go to Tekdi to meet the clients?’ I asked aloud.

The sun had set and the road was narrow that looked sinister in the evening shadows. I pay taxes, every year religiously, why doesn’t government utilize it towards placing some streetlights in these areas? I thought of playing some music which would hopefully divert my mind a little. These rented cars do not have a good music system or I could have played my favorite Mettalica CD. Now I will have to depend on the cheerless radio FM songs to while away my time.

While I looked at the music system to adjust the FM channels suddenly the car hit something hard and I applied the brakes. My heart was racing, my hands shivered while opening the door. I stepped out; darkness enveloped my surrounding except for the headlights of my car. I rubbed my eyes but could not see anything. There was nothing on the road. All of a sudden the radio started off loudly. I looked up with a start. There was no one. Strange, very strange! I shuddered with a blast of chilled breeze that hit my sweaty face. ‘What the hell happened?’ I yelled.

I have heard stories from my other colleagues about strange incidents that occurred to them on highways. I never believed any of it and blamed it on their susceptible nature for exaggeration. But this was first time ever when I felt a cold shudder of fear grip me.

I circled the whole car just to check if everything was fine. Then, I sat in the car and tuned the radio. Perhaps it had picked up a channel on its own. I sighed in relief and started the ignition.

I drove on an average speed. Shortly bright light flashed from behind. When I saw in the mirror I saw gargantuan tanker behind my car. I had never seen such a huge tanker in India except in Hollywood movies. It was grotesquely gigantic and its headlights resembled a thousand watt bulb. It blew its horn so loud that I gasped.

I swerved my car to the left side of the road to let it pass. Apparently it was in a hurry. The tanker did not budge as it was threateningly chasing my car. I changed the lanes to the right side so that the tanker could pass. Yet, it kept coming closer towards my car.
‘What was this man up to?’ I asked myself, ‘did I do something wrong?’
Now I sped my car if he did not want to overtake, ‘that’s fine!’ I exclaimed.
I constantly kept looking in my rearview mirror. I had not noticed that the radio had switched off on its own. These rented vehicles are no good.

I accelerated to the maximum speed limit. I could not see the tanker anymore in my rearview mirror, I laughed like a maniac.
‘Yes! I got rid of it.’ I laughed again in rejoice of my victory.

My laugh was immediately wiped out when I heard the earsplitting horn again. I slowed down and looked in the rearview mirror. Strangely, there was nothing behind. Suddenly the light flashed in front of me, it was the tanker’s headlight. It was in front of my car some distance away.
‘Holy shit, how did it manage to get there?’ I panicked.
I applied the brakes to stop the car immediately. The tanker started moving towards my car at a full speed. I had to do something. I changed the gear to reverse then turned the car around and drove like a maniac. Now I was scared to death! Should I call the Police? I thought. I looked at my phone which was long dead.

‘Think; think fast what needs to be done now’ I asked myself.

My car was hurled by the impact when the tanker collided with the rear end. My heart jumped into my throat, when I realized it wanted to kill me. I prayed that my car should not give up on me now. The car was badly hit. It trembled and would not pickup speed. The tanker hit the car again and this time the car lunged and turtled upside down. The engine was dying and was I dying with it too? I lost my consciousness with that last thought.

I became painfully aware that my body was fastened to the seatbelt and I was bleeding. I struggled with the seatbelt and it finally snapped. The car windows had already shattered. I could hear no sound outside other than the cricket in the fields. I crawled out of the window, some of the shattered glass pierced through my skin. I yelled with pain. I stood up with my knees trembling.
‘I was alive’ I gasped for breath.

The tanker had vanished and the road was empty. Blood was dripping from my forehead so I pressed the handkerchief to my head. Walking took a lot of effort, but I had to find help. Every step I took, I realized I could have been dead. I did not see any reason why someone would want to kill me.
‘Why would someone want to kill me?’ I asked aloud.

Though I did not know the answer I knew one thing for sure that the night had been one paranormal manifestation.
As I kept walking, abruptly chilled air surrounded me. Some lights blinked ahead on the road. A dark huge shadow started to rise from the ground. The monstrous shadow took a form of the tanker right in front of my eyes. I could not believe my own eyes. The tanker slowly started moving towards me. But there was no driver inside.
‘What was this? A ghost?’ I blinked my eyes as the tanker’s headlights blazed.
I covered my eyes with my hands. I stood there paralyzed unable to move. The tanker now moved speedily towards me. I knew within seconds, I’ll be dead.

A violent force knocked me out and tossed me high in the sky. I could clearly see the stars in the blue sky. I came crashing down and hit the ground hard.

My head was throbbing; it took all my strength to open my eyes. I was on a bed in a white room. A smiling doctor said something I could not understand. Then he tried again, ‘You are lucky, you survived the car crash. Your car toppled over a boulder. I wonder how you did not see it.’

Please Don't kill me

2008-09-02T01:51:00.000+05:30

"Let me Go" I yelled, he always wants to hold me, touch me.
It is disgusting to be held to one corner of a room day after day, night after night.
"Why can't I go away from here?" I asked nobody in particular.
But he always follows me, anywhere I go. Sometimes he hides when its dark but I know he is watching even then.
He is treacherous and I will not let him harm me in anyway.
I remember when he started following me. I was meeting Rekha for lunch; she is so beautiful. I had always wondered what it would be to feel her, touch her. After which I had taken her for a long drive to my beach house. We made love there, though she was shy and resisting it. I know she was just putting on an act to excite me. In the aftermath, I don’t know why she was calling me a monster. She was bleeding, it was gruesome. She was screaming, to shut her up I put pillow on her mouth. She kept kicking me and struggling. When she stopped screaming, she was breathing hard as if deprived of oxygen. She looked at me with wild eyes. I could not look at her like that. It contorted her face into something very ugly. I left and when I took last look at the beach house. It was eerily quiet and that is when I saw this dark figure emerge from the dark. I started running but he never left my side.
Everything after that has been a haze from then on. I kept going in and out of some stinking, dark places. Then I was transported to this place which was clean and had white walls.
Along with him, there are others who keep watching me. I am tired, I feel like I am caged for him. He from time to time makes his appearance. But I am smart I never allow him to come near me. I keep running in the room and shouting at him. Yet his hand is always outstretched to hold me, to touch me. When it becomes dark he hides I have been trying to figure where he hides. I call him my enemy but people here say he is my Silhouette. They don’t know how dangerous he is. He wants to kill me for hurting Rekha, he does I know. Please believe me, please.
Stop him from killing me, “Please don’t kill me.”

Mellow Moon

2008-08-10T01:58:00.000+05:30

A small attempt at poetry...here it goes

Soothingly moon hung in the sky
So strangely beautiful and lovely
Radiantly made my emotions fly
Loving memories were remembered sweetly

The silvery cast spread
swallowing up the dark
looks like a spell which people dread
Arousing feelings unashamedly stark

The luscious fullness
Steals away beauty of stars
Makes us dreamy full with lullness
Love stands out washing away all scars

Jinxed Trip

2008-08-02T01:16:00.000+05:30

Smoke rose from the hut, a small one with thatched roof and decorated windows. I wondered if I could ask for the directions there. I was tired and lost in the woods. I have never been a keen walker, plus being a city dweller it's impossible for me to find this adventurous. I should have never listened to my friend about this trip into the woods.
I slowly approached the hut and knocked. The aroma was quite delicious or maybe I was hungry. A beautiful woman opened the door, I smiled my best smile. She looked surprised and then I saw a gleam in her eyes, very unnatural.
“Hello…, I am lost.” Wow! What a wonderful opening sentence.Without saying anything she ushered me in with a sweep of her hand.
It was a strange hut, funny masks which almost resembled human faces. She pointed to a seat which looked like a very huge pan, I hesitated. It all seemed strange.
“I just need directions.” I said helplessly.
I noticed the boiling pot on the stove, of an enormous size. I could fit into it easily was a crazy thought I had.
Those were my last thoughts anyways.

Humour Me

2008-07-06T23:31:00.000+05:30

“This discussion has gone quite far.” He said, inadvertently trying to exude the remaining mental peace. His shoulder was throbbing and he could concentrate no further.
“Alright, then humor me, for a while.” She said not convinced yet giving him a chance.
“I did not do it. Now do you want me to explain it further, would you even listen?” He pursed his lips in frustration.

She smiled even in a situation like this. She wanted to say ‘No’ but her sheer nature to always come up with the unexpected answer allowed her to say, “Yes I would, why don’t you tell me without wasting any further time.” She looked at her watch to give her speech a final touch.
He was mildly surprised that she said ‘Yes’ but he should have known otherwise. He had an affair with her for two years, until recently, six months back when she had asked him to stop meeting her as her husband was getting suspicious. He was happy as he had his secretary to have fun with in her place.
“Okay, I was chasing him, but he stopped suddenly as if sensing my presence. I quickly hid behind a pillar. I heard the gun shots and I peeked to see. That’s when the bullet came tearing into the flesh of my shoulder. I saw a black Ford and its window rolling up. I staggered near his body and fell unconscious. I cannot be accused of his murder. Its not possible.” He finished.
“Then how do you explain the gun in your hand, when they found you? She adjusted her glass frame and scrutinized him.
“We have gone over and over about this. It is my gun but I wasn’t carrying it with me. I don’t know how it was there in my hand when they found me.” He almost cried out aloud.
“Do you think I am a fool? You hired me and you are paying a good amount. Let me remind you for every hour that you spend wasting, giving me a story full of crap. I don’t think you have understood the implication of this accusation, or the situation that we are having a conversation in a jail about a murder, just not any murder but that of my husband. Oops I meant my late husband.” She winked at him.
“My hour is up as your lawyer.” She got up and left.
With nothing to do in his cell, he looked out of the only 12”inch by 12’inch window. He was shocked to see her get into a black Ford and drive away.

Fragile Beauty

2008-06-24T10:50:00.000+05:30

Whisper of cold enwrapped her; she was able to feel the cold up to her brittle bones.
“Where is my blanket?” She wondered.
She slipped her feet in the woolen slippers. Her knees invariably croaked in an effort to get up from the rocking chair. She rubbed her wrinkled hands for warmth but failing miserably. Her hair still long and in the wave of white, black wasn’t amiss.
He watched her from behind the kitchen counter. She was murmuring something to herself, but in the quiet of the house he heard it as a soft song playing just for him. Her tall slender figure in those famous blue silk was fumbling to find the blanket. She tripped over a chair and with agility unknown to an old man; he was there at an instant to hold her at that moment.
Her stricken wide brown eyes had the same spirit she had some twenty years ago. It is so strange that her eyes never looked old. Her fragile body in his hand felt so perfect and her beauty could not have ripened any better with age. The most prized possession in his hand smiled. A smile he always fell in love, every time he saw.
In her soft voice, laughing she said, “You saved a visit to the doctor, Roy.”

Without You - Part Two

2008-05-02T00:53:00.000+05:30

It was morning and the sun rays hit me hard on the face. I covered my face with my hand as I woke. The bed clock chimed, tick tock, 12:00 pm, Sunday 20 April.
“Oh damn!” I said, “I am late.”
Viola has asked me to come with her to church. After the sermon we were going to discuss the date for our marriage with the priest. I looked at my cell phone forty two missed calls from Viola. I was supposed to pick her up at 8am for church. I was cursing myself for such callousness.
I had no nerve to call Viola up, what would I say, “Honey, I am sorry I missed our date with the priest.”
My head ached from too many drinks yesterday. Suddenly someone was pounding my door. With each pounding my headache worsened. Oh God! Do I really have to guess who it was? I had done this third time; she will not forgive me, will she? I hesitated before opening the door. But when I did, it was a treat to sore eyes. Viola my mouth formed without any sound. She was in her best lemon yellow Sunday dress. Her face shiny and covered with her black curly hair. A small stream of sweat dribbled down her cheek. Her eyes covered with fashionable shades.

She did not say anything just marched inside his room, her heels clacking on my marble floor. I looked at my room through her eyes. Beer bottles were strewn everywhere. Whiskey in glasses and half eaten pizzas were lying on the floor. TV was loudly screaming something at both of us. She took the remote and shut it. “Oh my God.” I thought I said, but no it was Viola.
“Leslie” she turned removing her shades. Her eyes were green or grey I could not come to decide yet after four years of knowing her. They were full of fire and questions, and they held so much heat I backed two steps.
“Honey” I stammered, “I can …”
“No I don’t want any explanations. I am not stupid.” She glared when she thought I was going to say something. “No don’t utter a word. I am tired, Leslie. You promised you would come this time. You know what I think now. You don’t want to get married to me. You don’t love me anymore.” When I did not say anything, she continued, “You don’t even love God. You have no faith. I am just a mere human being, you can easily forget.”
She always brought God between us. I hated it. It was a sore point. What had me loving her have anything to do with God.
“I detest going to church. I don’t want to listen to anyone who thinks he can make good of me. Who is God? Have you seen him?” I paused, “No I don’t think so. What has all that got to do with whether I love u or want to get married to you?” I yelled.

She looked palled, taking few breaths she said, “Leslie, we love each other because God has blessed us. He is the one who brought us together. And before him I want us to bind ourselves for eternity. Don’t you want that?” she asked benignly.
That’s it I could not control myself, my anger. We had this discussion many times to wane.
“I don’t want that.” I blurted, “I don’t want anything from you or your God. I did everything possible to bring us together. There was no God; it was my and your desire to be together. And we are. But I am tired I don’t know, whether I want you anymore? Whether we even should be together?” Then I paused in my heightened speech. Like a devil had possessed me I said,
“I don’t know, whether I love you anymore.” I pressed my hands to my temple closing my eyes.
It would have been few seconds but when I looked up she was stunned. Tears brimmed her eyes, all the fire had died down replaced by melancholy.
“If that’s what you think, I will leave it to God now to decide whether we were made for each other. Goodbye Leslie.”
Not again I thought, yet God gets to decide that for her. I saw her walk swiftly out of my door, and my life.

I don’t know how long I had been kneeling at the altar of all Gods. I didn’t know whether he would listen to me, if he existed. But I believed in the power of her love, love of God. I went back up. Uncle was not there, I slowly went back in to see her. She looked angelic and such mystic powers she held. She was my God and I was losing her.

Months had passed since her accident. And as the doctor had said, “Recovery of consciousness is followed by post traumatic amnesia (PTA), when the person is alert and may be able to converse normally but has lost continuous memory.” I would say it was miracle or I had started believing in God. She did not remember the whole day of events on the day of accident.

She sat in the wheelchair, her legs paralyzed after the accident. Doctor said it is curable but may take months or even years for her to be able to walk again. But my Viola was alive and with me, we were together. He had heard my prayer. He is there, is now my belief.

Without You - Part One

2008-04-26T21:49:00.000+05:30

The rain was pouring. The news had shaken me out of my wits. My Viola, my dearest viola was in the hospital. How could that be? I regretted instantly my foolhardy decision to go to this erroneous party. I was driving like a lunatic. I had to be there sooner than it’s too late.

The nurse at the hospital had called me, to say Viola D’cruz had met with an accident. She had found my business card in Viola’s purse. My thoughts were in turmoil, where was she going in this downpour? What had happened? Was it me and our last fight? No, I did not want to think of the worst. I was just few blocks away.

At the hospital I rushed to the reception. She mentioned 5th floor, ICU. I took the steps two at a time, forgetting completely about the elevator. Panting when I had reached the corridor, uncle D’cruz was sitting on the bench, he had his head in his hands. I slowly stood next to him dreading to know about her condition.
“Leslie!” he exclaimed, “my dear boy, Viola…”
Her name came out in whisper. At that moment my heart cringed, I kneeled down, tears stinging my eyes. I could not find my voice, I was thinking the worst.
“What happened, uncle?” my voice was hoarse.
“She called me late and said she was coming home. The hospital said that the taxi was crushed by a truck on the road. The taxi driver died instantly and our Viola has been injured badly.”

The doctor came out to meet them, “Who is from the family here of the patient?”
“We are.” I blurted wanting to know what it was actually the doctor had to say.
“Please do come in my office, I need to discuss the matter with you.” He said edgily.
Uncle looked helplessly at me, I assured him with my look. “I will come with you.”
I was shaking from inside did it show, I wondered. I sat tersely on the seat. “Well I am her fiancé, doctor please tell me how is she?” I thought I sounded desperate, so be it.
“She is suffering from diffuse axonal injury.” He said noting I looked blank he continued, “Which is one of the most common and devastating types of traumatic brain injury. In the accident, her head was rapidly accelerated or decelerated and that has caused this injury. The severity of it indicates loss of consciousness that is she is in coma right now.”
“What does that mean, doctor, will she be fine?” I asked eagerly.
“Well, I don’t know how long she will be in coma; we are trying our best with all medications. We have to monitor if the drugs are working or not. Please have patience, Mr. …?
“I am Leslie Fernandez” I said absently. I continued not satisfied with what was I supposed to do now, “Doctor, what will happen now, what can we do to make it better?”
“Mr. Fernandez I am sure u feel anxious, but we have to just wait for the medications to work. I have seen patients come through a coma, but the problem is that this is quiet severe. Those who do wake up, 90% of the times often remain significantly impaired. Let’s hope for the best and…”
“And Doctor??” I asked impatiently.
“Prayers might help, Mr. Fernandez.” He smiled benignly.
I left the room dazed, prayers. I hadn’t been to church for a long time. That was one of the complaints Viola had. I met uncle and told him what the doctor had to say.
“I am shaken from this son; I don’t want anything to happen to my dearest girl. Go see her, be with her, it might help. I have heard even when unconscious they can hear you. I will go down for a bit.” Saying that the old man left, gimping on the way.
I entered the room noiselessly. She was on the bed with all the tubes jutting everywhere. The monitor was beeping in rhythm incessantly. Her head was bandaged and her face had few injuries. She looked frail and life seemed to have fled from her body. I sat down on the stool afraid of touching her. It is so strange I was afraid of touching her, where as I often held her closely. With some courage, I held her hand in my hands.
“I am sorry baby, I really am. I don’t want to lose you. You are so precious even though I have said hateful things. Please forgive me, come back to me.” I cried softly knowing quiet well there is a chance she may not hear at all. I won’t have it; she would have to come back to me. She could not punish me like that. She was wonderfully soft hearted.

I left my anguish along with me. I could not see her so lifeless. Uncle was sitting out when I came out.
“Where are you going, son?” he asked.
“Uncle, I have to go now. But I will be back. Please call me if anything, anything happens.”
I could not go home. I wandered in the hospital; there was a room that had God of all religions. I sat down in a corner. Thoughts were swirling in my head. Her smile, her voice, her eyes, her soft touch, her kind words, her nagging, her jolliness, her silliness, her…
I looked at all the God’s. He is one right; I closed my eyes bent on my knees. I didn’t know what to say. I just did.
“I have loved her and I will always love her. I want her to know that. I want her to be with me forever, happy and smiling. Not like this, it can not end like this. Please don’t take her away from me, don’t you see? I need her.”
I sat down remembering the time before her accident.

Princess finds her Unicorn

2008-03-31T11:34:00.000+05:30

The mild ray of the sun is ruffling her in her sleep. The flimsy curtain is not at all protecting her from the sun. A sleeping beauty awakens from her sleep. She finds her mother working up a mess near her.
“Princess, are you awake?” asked her mother from the middle of the mess.
Instead of replying she slides from the mattress and looks sternly at the sun as if to punish him for waking her up. Her curly hair toppled over her wide forehead. Her eyes shined the color of sea in the middle of the day. Her white robe flew in the breeze. Her imperial sight fixed on something her mother could not decipher.

Her mother stood next to her to watch the object of her sight. It is a white pony her father had just brought from the village last night.
She claps her hand in delight and looks at her mother with an irrevocable smile. The two dimples making an impression in apple like cheeks.
“Ma, it is the unicorn from the stories you told me.”
“Well princess, it’s a …yes the unicorn, dear.” Her mother hesitated, what could a small lie do to a little girl’s dreams.
“Pa brought it for me…” and with that she ran towards the startled little white pony. He looked up forgetting to chew on the grass he was offered. She came close to inspect him. With apprehension she touches his soft wet muzzle. He snuggles up to her touch. She smiles her dimpled smile at him. The princess has found her unicorn.
“You are mine from now on, forever my dearest unicorn.” She claims him with her word as that is all she has got.

“Princess it is time we left” her mother called.
“No mother I will not come today, I want to stay with my unicorn.” She rebels.
She sits promptly on the ground waiting for her mother to serve her breakfast. Her mother, who always had desolate eyes, regards her with sadness. Her mother poured the rice broth in her plate. That will have to do for now. They did not have any rice left for dinner. The makeshift which was their home for now was on a broken decrepit road. At the end of the road there is a small children’s park. Where her mother sometime took her and brought her peanuts to eat. She loved the swing in the park and she could swing for hours. But the watchman would chase them away as if they were some wild animals. Father would hardly have any time to join them. She missed her father’s lap, where she sat and looked up at the sky when he was home. The stars twinkled at her. They told her stories her mother and father failed to tell her.
She finished her broth quiet quickly, she was very excited.
“Mother, did you have yours?” she asked dutifully, as sometimes mother forgets to eat her breakfast.
“Yes princess, long before you were awake.” Her mother lied as always. There was never enough for everybody.
“Common now, let’s go. We will be back soon, I promise.” Her mother coaxed. She was wearing the same gown once they had stumbled upon in a dumpster. Mother had washed it unsuccessfully for hours with water to remove the stains on the linen. Today she did not want to go anywhere with her mother in scorching heat to look through dumpsters, dustbins and garbage to look for things which could be sold. Once they had found a gold necklace which mother allowed her to wear sometimes? They had not sold the necklace though the stars had told her it would fetch them a lot of money. Her mother and she had been selfish enough to let it be their secret.
They found lots of small treasures in the dumpsters; they felt like the pirates who found their hidden treasures. They had found a broken vase with some old letters stashed in them. Neither of them could read the letters or were they treasure maps they had no idea. They also found some of the furniture for their makeshift house in the scavenge hunting. A small broken chair and three legged table, that’s what included in the list of their royal furniture. They gathered all kinds of paper and plastic, metal, wooden stuff, shoes and clothes. They got few Rupees every day out of the loot they collected.

They sold the loot to a merchant who dealt with wasted things and had become rich over a period of time. Her mother told her the story; he had married a rich girl from the neighborhood. The rich girl’s father had died of heart disease soon and the merchant had inherited all the wealth. The rich girl had become from once happy girl to now a deplorable one. The merchant would drink too much and beat the poor rich girl. Once when she was on her fathers lap, she saw the rich girl hide from the merchant and run away from their house. She prayed that day to the shining stars to guide the way for the rich girl in the dark.

Her mother once again instigated her to accompany, to the dumpster. It did not make sense as the there will be no one to watch the princess’s unicorn. Once the idea prevailed and understood by her mother. She went on her own journey of hidden treasures, leaving the princess with her unicorn.

Princess wanted to treat her unicorn but neither did she have sugar cubes nor any sugarcane tubes. She went to the closest dustbin from where she could watch her Unicorn. She hunted through the debris but alas she found a broken head of a spoon. It looked like a silver spoon she might have come across. She quickly went to the corner jewel shop.
“I want to sell this…” she pointed to the spoon.
The jeweler took it and looked at her curiously. He saw her tattered chapal and stitched old gown. Her hair was not combed and all the curls were falling on her face. Her dirty nose with dusty cheeks just completed her.
“Who are you and where did you get this?” he asked her sternly.
He was not the merchant to whom they usually sold all their goods. She could not go alone and leave her unicorn all alone.
“I am princess and I need to sell this.” She said firmly.
The Jeweler laughed cynically, but indeed the spoon head was silver. It was a lucky day for this beggar girl he thought to himself. He gave her some money; she would not know the real value of the spoon. She took it without any hesitance. This was going to be her secret. Then from store next to the jewel shop she bought the big sugar cubes.

She approached her magical unicorn slowly, so she wouldn’t scare him. His ears stood up with her arrival and his nose had guessed he was going to be treated today by this little girl. She stroked his head with her gentle hand. He nudged with a request for more. He had always been carrying woods for humans. But he wanted to carry this little girl on his back and run far away into the woods. In the search of his beautiful mother whom he does not now, quiet remember. She uncurled her palm and there were his treat, the sugar cubes. She incessantly fed them to him. He splurged with all the love and hunger for the cubes and then for the princess. The played for quiet a while until the secret worlds were revealed. Her father came home. And as a wizard waves his wand, she jumped with joy and a smile tugged her father’s lips as he saw his daughter. He scooped her up in his arms and called out loudly,
“My princess, my princess.”
She chuckled when his bearded face brushed her delicate cheeks. He threw her up in the air. She shrieked with joy, knowing he would safely catch her.
Her mother returned, with some vegetables in her hand. Her father nodded, and her mother acknowledged. She took the princess inside and diverted her mind with aimless storied of her hunt today. But princess was watching her father he untied her unicorn and was walking it away from their hut towards the park her mother often took her.
“Pa, where are you taking him?” She asked sweetly.
“Just here, my dearest, taking the mule for an exercise.” He said uncomfortably. Her eyes did not leave the trail of her father and the unicorn. They indeed went to the park; there her father was talking to a couple, a father and his son. Excitedly the son sat on her unicorn. As if they connected from far apart the unicorn looked at her direction. A small tear left her big black eyes as she watched her unicorn trod along the park with the boy on his back. The evening wore on and in the dim of the streetlight she kept watching as children lined to sit on her own dear unicorn. Helplessly he allowed them on his back and gently treads along the way with her father.
In meanwhile her mother watched the whole episode and tried to soothe her daughter. She would not talk or look at her mother nor would she eat. She was angry with the world who took away her beloved unicorn. When her father returned she was awake and waiting.
“My Princess…come sit on your mule and we will walk.” He held his arms wide open, cue for her to come running at the suggestion.
The magic had gone; her unicorn was stolen away from her by her beloved father. She simply looked at him with wrath and her eyes fell on her unicorn. He made some noise and nudged his head. He shivered under the moonlight. Her father moved away, as if instructed by some mystic force.
The unicorn looking milky white in the moonlight slowly came where she stood. He licked away her tears. He looked down and then flapped his white wings and small cone emerged on his head. His eyes were dewy and full of laughter. She hugged him with the innocence known to small princess. He beckoned her to sit on him. She royally mounted him. His wings flapping he started to run on the deserted road with the princess giggling on his back. He flew away with her to the promised woods where he awaited the mystical future.

Leap High Above

2007-10-14T23:37:00.000+05:30

With the occasional breeze brushing across my face, I kept looking at the entrance of the station. Sweat was trickling from one corner of my face with the hot autumn sun. I kept looking at every person who passed by me. One lady pushed me with her rear side without even realizing that she did that. I noticed that she did not know what her rear side had just done while bending and I pardoned her. After all she was not making me wait for ages.

I looked at the chattering lady police and she was not doing what she needs to do. After the bomb blast in Mumbai, I thought they would be frisking anyone with huge luggage. She glanced at me once when she saw my gaze for than a minute on her. I quickly prayed that, he should now come sooner.

Though my prayer was not completely answered, God has his own way of doing that. He did not come yet but he called. I answered without saying hello,
“Where are you?”
“I am right outside, Priye”
He had the habit of annoying me more by calling me ‘Priye’ when I am at the peak of my frustration.
“Then why aren’t you coming in?”
“Darling, just step outside and we will go.”
“But aren’t we going in train, I don’t want to go in auto or taxi for that matter.”
“Will you ever listen to me.” he sighed, “please come out priya, I am serious.”
I hung up and walked out of the station. I could not see him anywhere. I would kill him if this was a prank I thought to myself. I saw a hand waving at me from one crowded corner; the person was inside a car. At closer look I realized it’s him. I hurried down the path with my mouth wide open, as the car looked brand new.
“Whose car is it?” I asked him suspiciously.
He grinned and opened the door for me.
“Priye let me be your chauffeur today.”
I took seat knowing he was being romantic and constant questions about the car would simply spoil the fun.
There was no doubt in my mind that the car was brand new because I could smell the new plastic in the car. We drove to the nearest beach. On the way he would look at me and give me a sheepish smile.
I smiled back at him with all the love I always felt for him.
“Jaan, do you want to tell me something?”
“Not now, wait for some more time.”
He parked the car carefully and we walked towards the salty breezy air. The sound of crashing waves on the shore and the illimitable blue sky wavered above our heads. It was a wonderful beginning of an evening. He held my hand firmly as we moved towards the sea.
“Priya, I bought that car today. Did you like it?”
I was astounded by the news, which he gently delivered. Not once did he mention anything about buying the car during their conversation. The deal may not have been settled for a week. He did it for us, I was not sure yet but this definitely is an indication.
“You dint say anything about this before.” She said beaming, “I love the car, and it’s simply perfect.”
“I hoped you would like it, I wanted to surprise you.” He smiled.
“That you certainly did, darling.” She giggled.
They walked the shore hands in hand and enjoying the breeze. Splashing water on each other once in a while and giggling like school children. We came across a patch, nobody was around. As we sat down cuddling to each other, he said quietly, “Priya do you see the sun going down?”
I was baffled with his question and answered simply, “Yes.”
“I would like to see the sun rise, with you right beside me.”
Today was a day of surprises; I quiet did not understand what he meant. I looked into his eyes for an answer. They were clear and honestly determined, with no malice lacing them. When my eyes held a question, he answered it in whisper.
“Forever…”
He produced a ring out of nowhere and waited for me to say something. My mouth seemed to cease working to any instructions my head gave.
“Yes I would love that.” I managed to finally say.

There after we just talked about our future and all the lovely things we would do together. We left the beach and sat in the quiet of the car.
“I can’t wait to tell this to didi. She would be overjoyed.”
He smiled and we drove out of that place.
“Let me accompany you when you do that. After all we have to ask her permission.” He said.
I looked at him, “I love u." as he bent towards me to kiss I said, "let’s get married soon.” He kissed me while he was taking a turn and an impending truck banged into our new small car. Flying high in the sky taking away all our plans into one single moment of death.

We leap into the world with all our joyous rightfulness hoping to fly through it. But when we start to fall like a rock from sky we wonder, why at all did we jump? Then we realize we did jump for a reason and if we dint fly the reason has stopped to exist.

Say Cheese !!!

2007-09-01T21:31:00.001+05:30

If the title brings thought of real yummy cheese and then need to diet in your mind, then this article is not meant for you. But if like me, you are the kind who is camera shy and run to the closest hiding place, read on. Almost all of us fear that we look different in our pictures, even weirder perhaps. For me the experience has in front of the lens and behind it has been similar.

It all began when I was a toddler. Of course I was voted the cutest baby around, but what they have got on the film doesn’t make me proud. For example the photo of me chewing on the newspaper, scared of the first birthday candle, showing of my non-existent teeth lost in a classic bawl etc. Then there are the good old school photos. Me almost unrecognizable with two oiled ponytails, pinned hanky to my neatly ironed uniform I ever wore for my entire life and in the least two inches of face powder.

I bet all of you have funny photos like you on your first bike (and then falling of it), near the monkey cage at the zoo (what a striking resemblance!!!), doing a koli dance and kicking your partner. And the snap you hide behind all the rest is you in the underwear pretending to be batman, naked in the washtub with a cheeky smile. But the father of all weird photos is the PASSPORT PHOTOS. The very thought of going into the dark room and fanning an expression that you think is smart, is scary. No matter how well you smile and try to maintain a serious face, something goes wrong. On the most seen and used photo of yours you end up looking like a) like you wanted to say something but were stopped in the midway b) in pain c) goofy d) constipated and certainly someone who must feature in ‘India’s Most Wanted’. I have just one good passport photo which I have treasured the negative and kept under lock and key. But since I have grown, I cant have my 6th standard photo on my ID.

The most treasured of all photos is the family photo. The whole family gathers in their best attire for this one. This image is really heart warming to see so many generations together.
Friends, family, wedding, criminal investigation, UFO or clicked with the lens cover on, Photos will always help us to capture that one moment and remember it for ages to come, to embarrass and to bring tear of joy.

The 14Th Floor

2007-05-16T13:51:00.000+05:30

“This traffic would kill me one day.” I thought to myself. On top of that, I feel like an office boy running errands. It’s been just a week he has joined ‘Trendz’. They have asked him to drop the data CD’s to his senior manager’s home. I have not even met that bugger and he is already a menace to me. When I asked my current close colleague why did I have to deliver this? He mentioned about Mr. Roy being on vacation for a week now and he has a very important conference tomorrow call for which he needs to go through the data. My super next question to him was, why can’t we mail him the data? As soon as I asked I knew the answer to it. “It’s too huge to send through mail, why are you getting upset? It’s on your way as it is.”
“Yeah right” I answered.

The address was so skimpy I wondered how to reach the place. At least the dumb of a secretary gave me the name of building and society. I looked at 20 something storey building and one wall full of names of the residents. I looked closely at it and I was dumbfounded when I saw that on 14th Floor there was a Mr. S Roy and on 15th floor another Mr. S.K. Roy. Which one is it I wondered? I quickly called the office, phone just kept ringing. I looked at my watch it was only seven thirty, does nobody work overtime? I cursed the secretary a couple of times loudly. I called my colleague, no answer from him either. Now he had no choice but to gamble and choose a flat. He got into the elevator with a woman. She pressed the button for 9th floor and I just kept standing there deciding which floor to go, she gave me disgusted look. She got off on 9th floor and I quickly pressed the 14th floor button. I looked at myself in the mirror, my hair was disheveled, and I combed them in place with my fingers. He tucked his shirt in properly. I did not consider myself handsome but I was definitely smart enough. It was not difficult to find his flat. There were just two on each floor. He practiced his apologies if it was the wrong Roy’s house. His fingers trembled when he pushed the bell.

The door opened after few seconds. As soon as it did, my breath got stuck somewhere. My eyes glued to the girl who opened the door. She was barefoot with shiny silver toes and anklet on one of her feet. She was wearing a flowery skirt and a black singlet. Her black curls fell like feather on her shoulder. She tilted her head questioning at me. I realized I was staring and recovered quickly. “I am… Ranjit” I stammered
“eshona” she said in a sweet Bengali accent.
I assumed she asked me in and walked in. The room was decorated in austere cluttering, I assumed from Bengal. What a stunning beauty Mr. Roy has, I wondered. I no more felt sorry for this trip. I sat down and asked her, “Mr. Roy?”
“Oh daddy? He just left with Mom.” She smiled, “Would you like something to drink? It must be really hot outside.”
I nodded my answer; I could not get myself to speak.
“Would you like coffee or chilled coke?”
“A chilled coke please.” I answered. She left me to fetch the drink. I realized that I had to find out whether it was the correct house. There was soft music playing behind she came back with two tall glasses of coke. She plopped herself opposite me and said, “I think he was expecting you. He mentioned something but I had my headphones on …” she smiled naughtily.
I sighed in relief I got myself in the right house.
“So Ranjit, what do you do?” she asked.
“I am currently working as business analyst. I just joined a week back.” I paused, “May I know your name?”
“Oh how silly, I assumed you would know. I am Riddima, but everybody calls me ‘Mishti’.”
“What would that mean?”
“Mishti? It means sweet.” She giggled and further explained, “We Bengali’s have a habit of keeping funny pet names.”
“But I must say though it may sound like a cliché to you. For a sweet person like you, the names appropriate.” She had the decency to blush. I quickly asked her, “So what kind of funny pet names do you guys have?”
“Oh you would hear some like, Hego, Teko, Bubun, chumki, Chuku, tuli and now if you have read the book ‘Namesake’ gogol seems like the favorite funny name.” she laughed and it was contagious as even I did.
“Then comparatively you have good pet name.” she beamed.
“Are you in a hurry Ranjit? I mean do you have anything planned ahead.”
Actually I dint and an opportunity like this should never be denied. “No do you have something in mind?”
“Wow,” she clapped hands like a small girl, “why don’t you stay for dinner, meanwhile we could play a game of scrabble, what do you say?”
“It sounds good, but you would have to teach me how to play I have forgotten, I have not played for years.”

Of course who does not know how to play scrabble? I played this game every school vacation of my schooldays. We played the game revealing bits and pieces of each others lives. She mentioned about her childhood and how they had stayed in much smaller home, she had so much fun that time. Now hardly her cousins came over. He narrated his migration from Allahbad to Mumbai in search of higher paying jobs.

Conversation spilled over the cozy Bengali dinner which the maid had cooked. They had maid from kolkatta. I was amazed. It was nearing 11 on the watch. He had outstayed his privilege. They exchanged their numbers when the bell rang. A half bald man in his fifties and a good-looking middle aged woman walked in. Oh, I thought, Mr. and Mrs. Roy. I stood up to greet them. I saw a frown crossing Mr. Roy’s face. Before I could say anything, he asked, “Who is he?” the question was directed towards his daughter.
I answered for her, “Mr. Roy, I am Ranjit Chowdhry from Trendz.” Then I remembered the package and I removed the CD’s. “I was here to deliver the data CD’s to you.”
“Whom are you talking about, I don’t know you and I don’t know anything about the Trendz and the CD’s.” his voice changed threateningly, “what have you been doing here?”
Mishti looked confused, “But daddy you said that somebody was coming home…”
“Yes but that was Debashish, my friends son. Not him. For once if you would just listen to me Mishti….”
Now was the time to say the apologies I had practiced earlier, somehow I could not remember them.
“I am sorry Mr. Roy, this is a terrible confusion, I think I had to deliver the parcel to Mr. Roy on 15th Floor.”
I took the cue and opened the door to go out. I once looked back and saw a glaring Mr. Roy, confused Mrs. Roy and the best part, smiling Mishti.

HOPE

2007-03-27T12:27:00.000+05:30

A human being can live without food, water and even air, at least for few minutes. But there is one thing that he can not live without. What was that? That is hope. If a human being loses his hope, he could be called a dead man alive. The simplest of hope would be to be able to see the sun once you get up. A recent and really good example would be to movie “Pursuit of happyness”. The character never loses hope to have better tomorrow. Of course he did not expect the world to be better place to live in instantly, but mostly for himself and his beloved son. He just day by day keeps facing the crunch of not having enough to live through the day. But he does not give up. In this situation he needs a job; he does get one as a trainee in Stock broking organization. The irony being that he would not be paid for 6 months and after that he would have to prove his potential to be able to be a broker. In the meanwhile he never loses his cool and he is always polite and respectful. He completely understands the worth of other individual. A wonderful characterization of how he gets himself and his son through all the difficult phases only on a very fragile hope that he would get the job after his traineeship is over. The belief and faith on this hope he carries himself from one eventful day to another. So friends lets not lose hope to simply love and cherish and one more request do watch the movie, its simply touching.

Nivi's Day Out

2007-01-27T23:18:00.000+05:30

Well to start with this happens to be the most relaxing weekend I have had in so many months. My mother happens to be away on pleasure trip. Sleep a rare commodity for me, has blessed me enough over these three days. I tell myself that I would have to go to return the books I had borrowed from the library and I drag myself out on a raging day. I tried for some one to come with me but I failed to convince anyone to join me. So it was Nivi's Day Out and I decided it had to be made fun.

I traveled by bus after a long time. I saw things which I usually would not have otherwise. I saw a small church just over some bridge towards the town side which I feel is not hundred years old but quiet antiquated. I saw a new construction near Haji Ali and thought to myself not another mall. It is just few days before the derby and the race course seemed beautiful. I would have missed all this if I had not travelled in bus.

I was not sure of the way to library as I had just been once there before. The music was humming in my ears and I had no plans. I reach the library and purposefully march towards the stacks of book. I suddenly feel dizzy with all the books around me. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths. It wasn't the books but I did not want to analyse my dizzy spell. I slowly kept moving and reading just the titles and finally picked up some books and moved out.

I kept wondering how should I go home and from where. But moving from library I had my glares on and I kept walking. In retrospect, I had too many memories flowing in and that is when I thought......

There comes a time in your life

When you look into your past

And see the footprints you left behind.

Those are the moments when

You cherish the memoriesOf time long gone by.

Of occasions that made you laugh,

And instances that made you cry.

These are the memories Stored in the footprints you have left behind.

And you remember,How a little smile lit up many lives,

And how you shared a life.Its then that you realize,

you too are important for some one,

you have played a part n someone’s life.

However small these might appear,

These too are significant,

Your footprints on the sands of time.

I could see the ocean from where I was walking. I could also see heads of people lined up as I walked closer to Marine Lines. While passing the Air India Building I saw two guinea fowls. I had to take their snaps. Walking ahead I saw three huge NAVY helicopters touring the Marine Lines sky. People stood up to see the amazing giants and the navy officers doing the stunts. All children started clapping and waving at them. I clicked few snaps from my cell just got one of them right. Then I just kept walking ....I walked and walked. Drank some world famous nimbu paani. Which gave me enough strength to keep walking till Victoria Terminus station now called CST. I took some hot coffee to keep me going, the famous cappuccino from CCD. I took it on the train and guess what I, the stmbler spill all my coffee on shirt and shoes. Thats the way Nivi ended her day but it was one amazing evening on her own.

Go Read "The Kite Runner"

2006-11-30T14:08:00.000+05:30

My friend insisted me to read the book - "The Kite Runner" by Khaled Hosseini. I remember buying the same book to gift my ex-boss on her farewell. I was sure the book was excellent but when a book is gifted you always like it. I love getting books especially the ones I yearn for. He told some snippets of the book and I was inclined to get the book fist hand. I was going on lone long journey on my own to Nagpur. The best friend you can carry for the way. I went to Crossword, I was on a mission to buy this book and I did.

I was just waiting to pick it up and start reading. Once I did start reading, the only time I would have kept it down would be when I had become extremely hungry and could not resist but eat my food. The author has been explicit about the characters potrayed in the book. The friendship of Amir and Hassan followed by the feeling of betrayal of this same friendship. I could feel the conflict Amir felt when he had let-down Hassan for his own benediction. Just because he wanted to see the twinkle of recognition in his father's eyes for him.

He could see his friendship coming to an end, as he could not even meet Hassan's eyes. Hassan being the servants son was benign soul. He was aware of Amir's betrayal but yet he had forgiven him. Amir's guilty indulgence makes him send Hassan packing away. His father feels very dejected with their departure.

Soon afterwards due to invasion of Russians Amir and his father have to flee from Afgainstan. They go to the famous USA..thereafter Amir is a changed man.

But something calls him back to Afganistan something now he needs to pay for after so many years for one betrayal.

Mr Hosseini has taken us through Amir's all kind of emotions of friendship, authority, betrayal, new life, love, and in the end his sense of redemption.

With inordinate compassion and stunning simplicity, Mr Hosseini portrays Amir's impossible dilemma. Complications abound, but the answer lies in humanity's capacity for kindness. The grace of acceptance heals the wounds of brutality, for with forgiveness anything is possible, even the wild joy of soaring kites against a winter sky.

So I suggest Please go and read Kite Runner

Can't Let You Go

2006-11-30T13:56:00.000+05:30

Now time has come
To let you go
To soon become lonesome
And there is memory flow

When things went wrong
You were there to make me strong
You showed me right directions
And made necessary corrections

You are always there
To understand and care
You know me the best
surely better than the rest

Now I have to let go of the bond
Which I am so very fond
now I have nothing but to sigh
Over the days gone by

I know you have to go
Can't stop you from doing so
I know your heart says no
But the situations are your foe

This tie will not end here
Of which I am very sure
Because the bond is deep and strong
which will keep growing lifelong.

To Part Ways

2006-11-12T19:27:00.000+05:30

The train moved slowly and the jerk brought me back to reverie, the time had come to depart. We all three rushed to the door. I did not even get to hold on to my friend for one last time. I jumped out and felt like dragged from one scene to another of play, too quickly. He was at the door clutching it like his life and tears rolling down his eyes. A wave of something welled in my heart; I cannot explain I could not see him miserable. It just kept screaming in my head, “STOP, don’t go”.My throat went dry; it was difficult to keep normal face and tone of voice.

He called up and spoke. No, he was not able to speak. I am sure he felt like a bird whose wing had just been torn apart. I was overwhelmed with the feeling of imperceptible loss. I had to be strong and assure him he was going away for good. I know he had made decision after much thought. It would have been wretched to see him stagnant here without any opportunity to grow. I understood that but yet could not explain something inside me. We spoke for sometime and even had the spunk to crack a few jokes.

Later the whole day was a whirl of events I was not a part of and was just happened to be there because I had to be there. You guessed it right I was at work. I took the time off and sat with a friend whom I did not have to explain anything. It is the same magic I was already missing that with him I could sit quiet and he would understand. There are very few friends with whom you can do that. It hurts the most when they have to leave and go. Towards the end of the day when I was alone and could not stop myself anymore. Finally I broke down, when it actually hit me I never would be able to get those moments back again.

Small things, happy and sad moments we shared will be memories I would cherish forever. Times had come to part ways and yet hope to meet again which will keep us all going on and on….

XLRI Jamshedpur - News and latest Updates

2006-10-30T13:45:00.000+05:30

XLRI Jamshedpur - News and latest Updates

Dazzling Sunday

2006-10-23T12:48:00.000+05:30

Today is a dazzling Sunday. Nothing really concrete was set up for me, but series of events which are mundane and yet unavoidable. The set up remains the same, midmorning is completely wasted in preparation of late afternoon lunch. Yes, I must admit that the lunch is very appetizing, rich in spice and different in variety.
If you have this luncheon you will not be hungry till the night.

It’s the diwali weekend and I don’t want to be cooped up in my house. I decide to venture out in the sizzling afternoon. Series of phone calls and couple of eager buddies in same situation, agree to meet up. With the blessing of our local train transport we managed to meet each other in an hour’s time from the time decided to meet up. We all felt religious, so laughing all lovely bum chums reach Sidhivinayak temple.

Once we reached there we had to choose from the screaming vendors, all marketing the same thing the other shops are trying to sell. We take our respective garlands, coconut and modak. We march away to offer them to our lovely Ganeshji. Once in the queue we are hollered to move faster. We are pushed inside the pew and just because we were holding the basket we got the benefit of viewing God Ganeshji a few extra seconds. We had to think fast, chant our prayers, collect the basket, get the glimpse of Ganeshji and all we had to manage in 60 seconds or you would be screamed at by the security, “Madam Chalo Chalo”. Only other option being come out and pray to your hearts content.

Now that we had our share of religious commitment made for the month or two at least. We decided to go to marine lines and chill out. Empty trains were welcoming us with both hands out stretched. I stood at the edge of the train holding the pole. The sweet cool breeze blowing on my face gave me weird sense of exhilaration. Though my act remained short-lived as my girl friends rebuked me from my so called brave act. Then just out of the blue I wanted to sing “underneath your clothes” by Shakira. I sang loudly with full voice. No I am not a singer. No, there were just my friends in that compartment. I was within my civil rights.

We reached Churhgate and all the beautiful Diwali lamps just made me thirstier. No wait, I think this would have to be blamed and guilty charged the humid October in Mumbai. We passed the infamous “Gaylords” and “Not just jazz by the bay” decorated in glitters and people inside shimmering with love and frolic. We instead chose the quiet “Baskin Robins” to cool us of the heat. Ocean was calling me and I had to just be there. Others joined me.

The pavement was completely crowded with people, beyond which I could hear the slow rumble of waves softly calling out to me. We found some empty space. My mind was clear of all petty things which I would otherwise ponder, if at home. Another friend joined us there. But I was already at a faraway land. You could say I was drunk with sea water. Around me people just kept rambling away. But I was not thinking nor was I blank of emotions. The colorful spray of crackers against the velvet blue night sky and with the soothing sounds of waves had absolutely captured me.

It was getting late and it was time to leave my wonderful friends the night sky and the ocean to play similar magic over millions of others. Reluctantly all of us gathered back to make our way back home. This was one of the truly in its sense a magical evening for me.

Diwali is round the corner

2006-10-21T19:43:00.000+05:30

Well surely looking outside any time of the day you would know that it’s Diwali. Especially, if you move out in the evenings just in your local market, you won’t be able to buy a single item without colliding into someone else. I was traveling in the bus at least 2 weeks before Diwali. From the bus I could just see heads and heads of people. I was not able to make out their faces they just kept moving like robots in Irobot movie.

Shops keep luring all their customers with their fancy looking, be it lights, clothes or sweets. Now more than tradition it’s a stipulation to have all the things at home. If you don’t have time to prepare the same items at home, it’s required of you to purchase for your relatives and colleagues. I fail to understand the basic need for that. Why all years we have to follow the same tradition. I know people are alive and have fun. But the preparation of fun has turned out to be very arduous.

You have to dive into the pool of people in the market. Scream to be heard at the shop. Bargain to get things at lower prices. Get stuck at the traffic jam for hours before you reach home with the goodies. When you do reach at home you get a list from family members what needs to be replaced. You have to follow the same vicious circle.

Then I think about the people who stay away from home for work or studies. They have to spend the diwali without their family members, away from home. They miss out on the excitement following each Diwali. Crackers, sweets and diya’s awaiting them at home.
Each one of us has our share of fun at Diwali. Children again would be asked to describe that each year in form of essay. Women would boast the amount of food items they were able to make at home this year. Men would discuss the bonus they got from their company. Girls go ohlalala over their new clothes. Guys would discuss the types of cracker they got to burst. And so it goes..…..

About me

2006-10-16T20:10:00.000+05:30

Hi All

To know who I am and what I am ....personally I feel that you would have to just keep reading all the silly, yet somewhere close to my heart, bits that I would keep writing.

For begining :

We may not remain
Always in pain
Though it is hard to maintain
The happiness we sometimes gain

Survival is the truth
Since life is a fruit
Luscious sweet and sour
To live it is in our power

Hardships come and go
Why make life our foe
Life is like our friend
It is always there to fend

To take an easy way
In long run we pay
We die away slowly
By use of intoxicants daily

Wait for joyous happy days
They are surely to come your way.

Please feel free to go ahead and comment and give suggestions.
I would be waiting for response O' my dear readers.